


happy thoughts

by Satomi (RareX)



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Depression, F/F, F/M, Friendship, Loneliness, Multi, Multimedia, Suicide, Varying Chapter Lengths, Work In Progress, updating happens randomly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-03-16
Packaged: 2021-01-27 16:49:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21395449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RareX/pseuds/Satomi
Summary: Their third year is just about to start and Monika has an idea: she wants to start a literature club! This is Doki Doki Literature Club Act 1 as told by Sayori.
Relationships: Natsuki/Yuri (Doki Doki Literature Club!), Protagonist/Sayori (Doki Doki Literature Club!)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	1. Night, Monika 💤😴

**Author's Note:**

> The css/html for this chapter are credited to [CodenameCarrot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CodenameCarrot/pseuds/CodenameCarrot) and [La_Temperanza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/La_Temperanza/pseuds/La_Temperanza). You can view the guide [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6434845/chapters/14729722)

Monika⭐ ❯  
**Today** 10:24 PM  
I got that new Mallory Brunner book. Finished it all in one sitting!  
Which one?  
“A Rose By Any Other Name”  
her new poetry anthology. Wanna borrow it?  
Oh! Yes please! 🙏  
Okay! I’ll bring it tomorrow  
You ready for school? It feels like summer just started  
As ready as i’ll ever be ehehe~  
You know what you’re wearing?  
Uh  
The uniform?  
I know. It was a joke 😓  
Oh  
Ahaha 😂 I knew that  
I should get ready for bed, but that book gave me an idea. Remind me to tell you in the morning, okay?  
Wait  
Monika  
Night, Sayori 💚💚😘  



	2. Just talk to Monika

The morning sun spilled across Sayori’s face, blinding her before she’d even opened her eyes. She groaned and pulled her covers over her face. When she was safely shrouded in darkness, she grabbed her phone off the nightstand and checked the time: _ 7:41 AM. _

She vaguely remembered shutting off her alarm in her sleepy, body-too-heavy-to-move state, but that had only felt like a five-minute snooze, not sixty. 

_ Alright, _ she thought, _ guess I better get up. _She threw off her covers, but it took her another ten minutes to get out of bed. She was already late, what was the point in rushing?

* * *

On her way to school, Sayori pulled out her phone, intent on sending Monika an apology text. Something along the lines of: “Sorry, I overslept. On my way now.” As she flicked through her message app, her phone screen flickered. Artifacts flashed over the screen and it scrolled all the way to the bottom of her contacts, then opened a conversation she hadn’t looked at in months.

bestbestie ❤️ ❯  
**Jan 19** 11:46 PM  
Falling asleep, gonna call it a night. See you tomorrow, Sayori  
See ya tomorrow!  
**Jan 20** 7:38 AM  
Sorry I missed you! Overslept again ehehe~  
**Jan 21** 3:11 PM  
Are you mad at me?  
I miss you 😔

Her heart sank and a lump stuck in her throat. She swallowed around it, determined to put the texts out of her mind. Locking her phone, she walked to school—alone.

* * *

Sayori rushed to her seat and in the process ran right into one of her classmates: Yuri. Poor Yuri tumbled to the ground, hers and Sayori’s books in a mixed heap on the floor.

“Ah! Sorry!” Sayori ducked down to gather her things. Her face felt hot and she knew her embarrassment showed deep pink on her cheeks. In her rush, she grabbed one of Yuri’s books by mistake: _ Portrait of Markov _. The eye on the cover stared in Sayori’s soul and made her deeply uncomfortable. It watched her; she could feel it. 

“N-no,” Yuri said. “Don’t be. I should have looked where I was going.” She held her hand out and Sayori relinquished _ Portrait of Markov _, all too happy to be rid of it.

“Where’ve you been?” Sayori looked up to see Monika standing over her. 

Sayori shook her head, hoping an answer good enough for Monika would fall loose. “I overslept,” was the best she could muster.

Monika rolled her eyes. “I should have known. Come on”—she tugged on Sayori’s sleeve, pulled her over to two empty seats—“Before the teacher comes back.” One of the desks already had Monika’s books on top of it, as well as a book with a rose on the cover. _ Mallory Brunner _ was printed in pretty, flowy font underneath. The book sat atop a manilla folder.

Sayori dropped her books on her desk, then swiveled around to face Monika’s desk behind her. “Okay, what’s your idea?” 

"I was reading _ A Rose by Any Other a Name_—great book by the way—and it got me thinking about all the reading we did during the summer." Monika drummed her fingers across the book’s cover. When she caught herself, she pushed the book towards Sayori who thumbed through the pages. Each poem was accompanied by a drawing on the page across: roses, prayer hands, crying women—it looked like exactly the kind of book Monika would enjoy. Sayori was sure she’d love it, too.

Sayori closed the book and stacked it on top of her own books, then returned her attention to Monika. "We did read a lot," she said.

"We did! It was so great having someone to talk to about all the exciting bits. And it got me thinking: how much fun would a book club be?"

"A book club?"

"Yeah, look!" Monika handed Sayori a pink [ pamphlet ](https://imgur.com/a/HnaM0VX) from the manilla folder. 

"Join the Literature Club?" Sayori read out loud. "But Monika, we don't have a Literature Club."

"Well no, not yet. It takes four members, including the president, to form an official school club. But that's why I made that pamphlet!"

"It's very cute. I like the polka dots and all the pink," Sayori said. 

"So whaddya say? Join the Literature Club with me? You'd be the vice president, of course." 

Monika’s hopeful look twisted Sayori’s stomach in knots. "Oh, I don't know if I'd make a good vice president. I don't really know anything about running a school club."

"You wouldn't be doing it yourself. As president of the club, I’d help you. It'd mostly be hanging out and reading, anyway. Doesn't that sound like fun?"

Sayori looked at the pamphlet on Monika's desk. _ It does sound like fun, _she thought. And it would mean more time with Monika, which was always a plus in Sayori's book. "Okay!" She nodded. "I'll join your club."

"Great!" Monika said. "Our first order of business is recruiting. Here—" She handed Sayori a large stack of pamphlets. Sayori gave the pile a concerned look.

“What’s wrong?” Monika misread Sayori's expression. “Do you think that’ll be enough? Should I have made more?”

Sayori looked at the massive stack and giggled. “I think it’s plenty.”


	3. Vice President Job #1: Recruiting

Sayori’s stack of pamphlets slowly shrank as she handed them out whenever she had the chance: in the halls between classes, in classes when teachers weren’t looking, and finally on her way to lunch. She passed out one last pamphlet in the lunch line, balancing her tray with one hand so she could hand the paper over. “Our first meeting is on Friday. Be sure to stop by, alright?” The boy folded up the pamphlet and stuffed it in his pocket.

_At least he didn’t throw it away,_ she thought. _That’s progress._

She still had half of her pamphlets left when she scooted in beside Monika at an otherwise empty table. Empty of people, that is. The table was covered with a giant banner and Monika worked furiously to color in the big bubble letters she’d written that spelled out: Welcome to the Literature Club! It was as bright and bubbly pink as the pamphlets.

Monika finished the last letter, then looked up at Sayori. “Oh, you still have some?” she asked.

“You don’t?” Sayori looked over at Monika’s books, but the manilla folder was nowhere to be seen.

“Nope! I was all out by second period.” Monika reached across the table and cut Sayori’s stack in half. “Here, I’ll help you get rid of these.”

“Thanks.” Sayori pushed her food around her tray with her fork. Her stomach grumbled, but some part of her brain wasn’t making the connection between that and actually eating.

Monika tucked away her markers. “What do you think?” She pointed to the banner.

Sayori finally managed to get a forkful of chili into her mouth. She choked it down and said, “The banner? It’s really cute. I’m glad you’re sticking with the pink and polka dot theme. I think it really gives the club some flair.”

“Oh good! I was worried it might be too much. You’d tell me if it was too much, wouldn’t you, Sayori?”

_Maybe?_ Sayori would never say something to hurt Monika’s feelings. Did Monika know that? “Of course I would,” she lied.

“Glad to hear it. We’ve gotta be honest with each other, right? I don’t want to mess this up.” Monika carefully folded the banner and laid it on top of her books. She pushed her tray towards Sayori, the food untouched. “I’m gonna get back to it. You want this?”

Sayori shook her head; she had enough trouble eating her own food. “Wait.” She snatched Monika’s cookie. But cookies didn’t count. Sayori always had room for an extra cookie.

* * *

It took some effort, but Sayori finished her lunch and headed into the hall. She didn’t have a moment to spare if she was to get rid of the last of her pamphlets. Monika had already done more than her fair share of the work; the least Sayori could do was finish her job.

Two second-year girls stood in the by a window, their heads close as they chatted away. Sayori stopped in front of them. “Hi! I’m the Vice President of our school’s new Literature Club. Our first meeting is on Friday. Would you like a flyer?” Sayori handed them both a pamphlet before they could say no. “Join the Literature Club, okay?”

Both girls smiled politely. One of them even said, “Thank you.”

Sayori skipped away from them. Two down, only a bazillion left to go.

Around the corner, she spotted a familiar face: her former best friend. He waved at her and kept walking. A pit fell into Sayori’s stomach and she suddenly felt too hot. _No_, she told herself. _You’re on a mission. What would Monika do?_ That was a pretty good motivator, actually. What _would_ Monika do?

“Hey!” Sayori ran after him. “Wait up!”

He stopped and turned around. “Hm?” It was barely an acknowledgment, but Sayori would take it.

Sayori cleared her throat and held out her stack of pamphlets for him to see. “Have you joined a club yet?”

“No, and I’m probably not going to,” he said.

“What?! You can’t just not join _any_ club. In your third year? That’d look terrible on your college applications. Here”—She shoved a pamphlet into his hands—”Monika and I are starting a Literature Club. I’m the Vice President.” She watched him read it, or more likely, pretend to read it.

“I didn’t even know you liked literature.”

Sayori huffed. “Of course I like literature! Monika and I read all summer, in fact. You’d know that if you—” She shook her head. “Forget it. Anyway, you gotta join a club.”

He stuffed the pamphlet into his books. “I’ll think about it.” His tone was gruff, but he was always gruff. Terse. Short. Everything seemed to annoy him, especially her.

_I wish I knew what you were thinking,_ she thought. If she knew what she did that annoyed him so much, she’d stop.

She forced a laugh. “That’s all I ask,” she said.

* * *

Sayori patted her bottom lip with the eraser on her pencil as she looked over her homework. Her phone buzzed and she jumped. Then she laughed at herself. _You coward._ It was a text message. She double-checked the sender just in case her over-exerted mind had played a mean trick on her.

It was him.

bestbestie ❤️ ❯  
**Today** 8:51 PM  
Good luck with your club meeting  
Thanks! 😺  
When is it?  
Friday~  
You’re coming, right??  


Sayori watched her phone for the rest of the night, her homework forgotten. He never replied, but she didn’t need him to. Their nearly year-long drought had been broken; he was talking to her again.

She fell asleep with her phone cuddled to her chest that night, stirred awake periodically by phantom vibrations that might be him.


	4. How hard could writing be?

Monika⭐ ❯  
**Today** 4:30 PM  
I’m so excited for tomorrow. I don’t know how I’ll sleep  
You gotta be rested for the first meeting!  
I definitely can’t run it without you  
I’d never do that to you! You’re my right-hand, Sayori  
Ehehe~ thanks 🥰💙💙  
Got anything fun planned for the meeting?  
Well  
Okay  
So  
??  
It’s the first meeting, right? I was thinking it’d be fun if we shared our favorite books and authors. In list form, you know?  
Like, just writing them down?  
Mhm! What do you think?  
It’ll definitely get people talking!  
You’re so good at this~  
Ahaha thanks  
I also wrote some things to share maybe? If the other members would be interested in that kinda thing  
You wrote some things?  
Like what?  
Poems, mostly  
But also a short story  
They’re not much, but I thought I’d do something quick just in case  
😮  
You always have the best ideas!  
Aww, Sayori 💚💚  
Maybe  
I should write some things too?  
Oh maybe!  
But only if you want to  
I do!  
It’s such a great idea  
I’m gonna try  
Good luck! 🤞 You’re gonna do great!  
😘💙  



	5. Vice President Job #2: Writing

Sayori sat at her desk, her laptop closed and set the side. A pile of blank paper had taken its place, beside it were pages crumpled until the scribbles on them were no longer legible.

A page to her left read:

The sad girl waited on the street for her friend.

It rained and she pulled her coat closer to her. 

He didn’t come. 

He never did. 

<strike>She’d wait forever if she had to.</strike>

In front of her was a new, fresh page. She tapped her pencil on the desk, rhythmically as she puzzled out her next line. The words formed fine enough in her head, but they jumbled into a mess somewhere between her brain and the pencil tip.

_Okay, let’s try this again._

She cried.

I hugged her and stole her tears.

I tucked them inside.

They’d keep mine company.

I could handle it.

She smiled and the storm raged inside me.

I smiled back.

No, it still wasn’t right. Sayori balled that one up and tossed it behind her; she’d put it in the bin later.

She side-eyed her phone. _Monika can do this; why can’t I?_ But the answer was because Monika was good at everything; she didn’t even have to try. Sayori could only hope some of that talent would rub off on her.

Monika ⭐ ❯  
**Today** 6:03 PM  
Ugh  
How do you do this?  
It’s like riding a bike  
You’ve just got to practice  


And, of course, Monika always knew the right thing to say, too.

Sayori looked at her growing pile of trashed writing. She picked up her pen and grabbed a new, clean piece of paper. The blank page sat on the desk, mocking her and her inability to put her thoughts down.

_Alright, one more time. _


	6. Okay, everyone!

Despite walking the school halls nearly every day for two years, Sayori still managed to get lost on her way to the club room. She held her notebook tight to her chest and ran at breakneck speed with her gaze to the floor, which only made her more lost. Tears burned the edges of her eyes when she stopped to catch her breath.

_I’m so stupid_, she thought. _How did I get so lost?_ Her whole body shook as she took a deep breath, trying so hard not to cry. _Suck it up, Sayori. Someone’s gonna see you._ She wiped her eyes on her sleeve. _Gotta be brave_, she thought. _Gotta be happy._

Monika had given her the room number earlier that week. Sayori took a deep breath and checked her phone.

Monika ⭐ ❯  
**Wednesday** 12:18 PM  
Okay! I think the classroom is ready to go for our first meeting!  
Which classroom is it again?  
A13. The teacher said we could use it  
kay thanks! 💙💙

_That’s easy_. Sayori thought. She retraced her steps and found the A-hall, then Room A13. With her hand on the handle, she pooled all the courage she could muster. _This’ll be fun_, she thought. _You want to do this._

Then she let herself in.

Monika spotted Sayori and stood up out of the desk she’d been occupying. “Sayori! Glad you’re finally here.”

Sayori flushed. “Sorry I’m late. I um—” She slid into a desk towards the back. “I got lost.”

“At least you made it.” Monika smiled her bright, friendly smile and leaned back against the teacher’s desk. She didn’t appear the least bit disappointed. Had she come to expect failure from Sayori?

_No_, Sayori told herself, _Monika is just like that_. She was too kind to be disappointed.

Sayori sat her notebook on her desk and looked around the classroom. Two girls had arrived: Yuri, the girl Sayori had run into earlier in the week. She had her nose in a book with a fancy, dark cover that Sayori couldn’t quite read from behind. Though she was in the classroom, Yuri wasn’t present.

The other girl was Natsuki. She had a stack of manga on top of her desk and was looking around defensively. “What are you looking at?” she said to Sayori.

“N-nothing,” Sayori said.

“Don’t be rude, Natsuki,” Yuri said, shutting her book and laying it on her desk. “Sayori is our Vice President. Aren’t you, Sayori?”

“She sure is!” Monika said. “She handed out so many pamphlets this week. I couldn’t have done it without her.”

Sayori blushed, this time from Monika’s kind words. “Are we still waiting for anyone?” she asked.

Monika shook her head and held her arms out towards Yuri and Natsuki. “Nope! This is it. Our Literature Club.”

“Oh.” Sayori felt her heart sink. She’d handed out so many pamphlets, and Monika so many more. How did only two girls show up? “I’ll bring someone else tomorrow, okay?” she said.

Monika smiled. “Who?”

Sayori shook her head. “That’s a secret!” She had no idea who, but if Monika had faith then Sayori could do anything. Surely there was at least one more person in the school that hadn’t heard of the Literature Club yet.

“Okay!” Monika said. “I can’t wait to meet them.”

“I’ll bake cupcakes,” Natsuki said. “If we’re gonna have more people tomorrow.” She even managed a little smile, but it disappeared almost immediately.

“And I’ll make tea,” Yuri added, though not as confidently as Natsuki. “That’s okay with the teacher, right?”

Monika nodded. “She said as long as we clean up after ourselves.”

“Lovely,” Yuri said. “Oolong or green?”

“Surprise me!” Then Monika locked eyes with Sayori and motioned to Sayori’s notebook. “Is that what I think it is?”

Sayori looked to her notebook as if she was seeing it for the first time. “Umm”—she swallowed—“Yes, it’s my—”

“Your writing?” Monika finished for her. “I brought some, too.” She pulled out a pretty binder, all covered in swirly doodles and her name written in a swooping green script. “Would you like to go first?”

“No one told me we were supposed to write anything,” Natsuki said, looking grumpier than ever. “I thought we were just gonna read for an hour.”

“Where’s the fun in just reading the whole time?” Monika said. “But it’s okay if you didn’t being anything today. It’ll just be me and Sayori then. Unless Yuri has something to share?”

Yuri shook her head.

“It’s settled then. You ready, Sayori?”

Sayori swallowed down the lump in her throat and stood up, her notebook in hand. She moved to stand in front of the class and Monika took a seat. “Whenever you’re ready,” Monika said.

Sayori looked over the classroom, all eyes on her. Two girls who’d usually look right through her, and her best friend in the world. Opening her notebook, she felt the butterflies flutter in her stomach. Then she began to read:

Her orange mane surrounds her like a halo.

The only angel I’ve ever known. 

Her arms are her wings, open and waiting

To hold me when I need her. 

I always need her.

The lump in Sayori’s throat returned as she finished. She looked up, desperate to avoid meeting Monika’s gaze—just in case she hated it. 

“That was amazing, Sayori!” Monika said, as supportive as always. 

Sayori smiled. “Thank you,” she said, choked up. Then she took her seat, trying to disappear into herself so she didn’t have to answer questions. 

“I can’t wait to read more of what you write, Sayori. You’re so talented.”

Monika was an angel.


End file.
